John and Katie: How Old Are You?

As a soon-to-be first time Grandpa, I'm starting to come to grips with the fact that I'm getting older! Sometimes I think & act like I'm still a young man (I pay the price for it the next day) but reality is catching up with me. I've decided to make a blog entry of some of the items I found interesting or humorous when it comes to ageing.

I grew up in the 60's & graduated from high school during the "Summer of Love". Woodstock, Hippies, The Vietnam War, President Richard "I am Not a Criminal" Nixon, Man's first steps on the moon and the greatest Rock Music.

We had the Beatles & The Beach Boys; The 'Stones & Supremes; BS & T and CCR; Janis Joplin & Led Zeppelin; The Temptations and The Bee Gees. Now that we "Boomers" are getting older, some of our favorite songs are being re-released but altered slightly to reflect the difference in our ages. Songs like:

Paul Simon - "Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver"

Carly Simon - "You're So Varicose Vein"

The Bee Gees - "How Can You Mend A Broken Hip"

Johnny Nash - "I Can't See Clearly Now"

The Temptations - "Papa Got A Kidney Stone"

ABBA - "Denture Queen"

Leo Sayer - "You Make Me Feel Like Napping"

Procol Harem - "A Whiter Shade of Hair"

The Beatles - "I Get By With a Little Help From Depends"

Herman's Hermits - Mrs Brown You've Got a Lovely Walker"

Creedence Clearwater Revival - "Bad Prune Rising"

Marvin Gaye - "I Heard It Through The Grape Nuts"

The Who - "Talkin 'Bout My Medication"

The Troggs - "Bald Thing"

I think the Temptations song is the one I associate with the best. Then comes Procol Harem. I'm glad I'm not suffering any of the other side effects of ageing like this pair of bats!

The late George Carlin was a master at looking at life's quirks and pointing them out. The following is by him:

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. "How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half going on five! That's the key.

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead. "How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life....You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony...YOU BECOME 21. YESSS..............

But then you TURN 30. Ooooh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50!

And your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would! So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60. You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80's and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90's, you start going backwards; "I was JUST 92." Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!
- George Carlin

I am thankful to still have all my mental abitities and a good memory...................why; I cannot remember a single thing I forgot!!!!

But what is "OLD"? At first you consider 30 to be old, then 40, then 60! Will it become 70 if I MAKE it to 60! I came across a humorous list of things that describes "Old Age".

OLD IS WHEN..............................................

You're sweetie says, Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, Honey, I can't do both!"

A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

You are cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of the police.

"Getting a little action" means I don't have to take any fiber today.

"Getting Lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.

"Whew", OK! I'm NOT "old" yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Getting there isn't the same as being there but still, we have to alter our lifestyle slightly.

But even as we age, we can still play games and have fun! Baby Boomers are learning new games such as:

1) Sag, You're It

2) Pin The Toupee On The Bald Guy

3) 20 Questions Shouted Into Your Good Ear

4) Kick The Bucket

5) Red Rover, Red Rover, The Nurse Says Bend Over

6) Doc Goose

7) Simon Says Something Incoherent

8) Hide and Go Pee

9) Spin The Bottle Of Mylanta

10) Musical Recliners

I've told Kendra that I'm not OLD enough to be a Grandpa but she never listens!

Truth be told, I'm very happy for Her and Jeff and I love them both dearly. I'm ready to be a Grandpa!