John and Katie: 17 May 2009

Friday, May 22, 2009

Father To Son

Since my son Keith is buying his first serious BBQ, it's time for his Father to pass on the "Facts of Life" (bbq style)!

BEFORE THE BBQ SEASON BEGINS FOR THIS YEAR - A Few GUIDELINES AND TIPS FOR THE MAN OF THE HOUSE

New Standard Operating Procedures released today -- please learn BBQ RULES as we are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of Events are put into motion:

Routine...
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray alongwith the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - soda in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zonewhere the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine...
(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. Hethanks her and asks if she will bring another soda while he flips the meat

Important again:
(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine...
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins,sauces, and brings them to the table.
(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ' her night off ', and, uponseeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Where?

From Dear Abby, 5/21/09

"Hawaii IS One Of The 50 States"
My son lives in Hawaii and over the years we have visited him many times. The questions I
have heard travelers ask flight attendants as they deplane in Honolulu run the gamut: "Where
do I go to change money?" "Which side of the road do 'they drive on?" "Is it safe here when
it rains?" or "Is English widely spoken?"

Flori DUH!
I once had to ask a bank teller here in Florida how much it would cost to wire money from my
account to a bank in Minnesota. She said, "Minnesota? Is that in the United States?"

The Missing Link?
I am from Oregon and when I would visit family on the East Coast, some people did not
know where my state is. When I told them it was right above California, more than a few
would then exclaim, "Oh, you're from Canada!"

We're Number 1
People have asked me where I'm from. When I respond, "I'm from Delaware," I am then
asked, "Is that a state?" To which I casually respond, "Yes. The first one."

South Of The Border???
I work for the tourism department in New Mexico. We even received a letter from a wedding
magazine requesting information regarding our "traditional" customs so they could run an
article on our "country."